My daughter Jasmine calmly announced to me last night while eating a chocolate biscuit that she would keep me in her heart after I'd died and that she wanted to be "dug up where I'm dug up". Where these children get this sort of stuff I've no idea: I try and keep the conversation light but they seem to be displaying all the signs of west highland angst already.
Yesterday was a worrying day altogether. Although it was Tuesday I was convinced it was Monday and was in a hopeless dwam all day. It made me think about what they say about early alzheimer patients: if you remove them from familiar routines thay accelerate downhill fast. (It also made me think of a terrible joke the local postie told me- Alzheimer's Protest March: What do we want? Don't know! When do we want it? Want what?)
It's a shining part of the human condition that we can make jokes up about just about everything but alzheimers seems to me one of the cruellest conditions, and one in the treatment and care of which, as far as anecdotal evidence suggests, the medicos seem most inclined to be negligent. I have a friend whose mother died recently after having been treated very poorly in hospital. It's terrible seeing someone who cared for you with care and compassion die in painful and humiliating circumstances. My own mother died in Dumfries of cancer and though I had doubts about the care she got at the hands of her GP, she was treated at the end in the Hospice here with great consideration and she died as she slept, or dreamed. I read the other day that Dylan Thomas' dad died while he was dreaming out loud that his mother was pouring him some onion soup. That sounds good. When I die I would like to be about to tuck into my mother's home made broth. However I cannot allow myself to die until, at the earliest, April 2024, when Jasmine will be 20 and presumably no longer inclined to dig me up. And what a time we'll have between now and then! There are many exciting anniversaries to go through, the 700th anniversary of Bannockburn ann many others...
You may wonder why i am inclined to this morbidity. Confusion is one reason, continual light to steady drizzle is another, and the last is a disturbing thing that happened to my computer yesterday. A massive box came up with a warning:
YOU HAVE ALTERED THE UNIVERSAL TEMPLATE!!!!!
I ran screaming from the room of course. Even now, Drumsleet will be vanishing in a Black Hole, or evil giant frogs will be parading their captives along the Whitesands.