Thursday, May 21, 2009
Long Live macDuff!
Glorious scenes of rejoicing yesterday as Macduff was crowned King of Clatteringshaws. Flanked by a bodyguard of handpicked veterans from the 1st Castle Douglas Food Town Mounted Fire brigade and Inshore Rescue Division, MacDuff made a moving and emotional speech, referring sparingly to his career as ex-territorial Army Cyborg killing machine (prototype), choosing to emphasise instead the positive role he hoped to play in this beautiful and remote community.
"We will turn Clatteringshaws into a nuclear power capable of wiping out Dumfries" he declared to a group of rapt sheep.
To the people of Dalbeattie he had a more conciliatory message. "Lay down your arms" he declared, "dismantle your frontier defences. You have nothing to fear."
Dismissing rumours that he had appointed Tesco Willie Military Governor, he said "That .....er? I wouldn't ......give him charge of my.......ing laundry." Macduff did however announce a raft of ministerial appointments, including John Maxwell as Minister of Health with special responsibility for the Eboli outbreak in the Stewartry. Macduff moved swiftly to reassure the 2 people of Clatteringshaws that in spite of a proposed expenditure of 235 billion pounds on armaments, they would not suffer. "This afternoon" he said, "I have appointed Theosyphillis Neill Chancellor of the Exchequer, and even now he is shoplifting in Farmfoods for our dinner."
There then followed an emotional rendition of the Clatteringshaws National Anthem "Long......ing Live......ing Clatteringing.....ingshaws" during which Macduff was seen to choke back tears.
MacDuff is 29 and under the Doctor.